On Humility

Sunday's readings focused on humility:

"Humility and trust are what make a person truly human." -Pope Benedict XVI

5 Years Later, Teaching Katrina

I can't believe it's been five years since Katrina hit. It seems like yesterday.

The NYTimes posted some resources for teaching about Hurricane Katrina for teachers who want to create lesson plans about the disaster in their classrooms. Check it out!!

Love

Now that I have a new computer, I've been going through tons of throwbacks on my hard drive. Every time Love comes up, it just makes me breathe faster and heavier from its sheer beauty. Classic. Classic. Classic. So classic it hurts.

Cocoa Mamas

Since I started teaching, I started reading a few parenting books to get some perspective. My fly friend Salina writes for this dope blog called Cocoa Mamas: Raising Cocoa Children in a Bittersweet World. I love the title and love reading what these different mommies have to say about raising young'uns. Do check it out!

Rox

My homie Frantz has been a lifesaver when it comes to getting me music. He introduced me to Rox, a dope singer from the UK with a fabulous sound. Hope you enjoy her too.

You Get What You Give

"Don't reach too far
You will fall over
Don't be surprised what you discover
Don't fear your call
Can't pull us under
You better watch out,

Run for cover

We see right through it
You get what you give, you get what you give."

-Santogold

Piermont Farmers' Market

This transitioning business is pretty interesting -lots of things to juggle, one being grocery shopping! "Grocery shopping? Really, Biba?" Yes, grocery shopping. It's an extremely important part of my life. It was a major source of bonding time with my father while I was growing up. Every Sunday, we would wind up and down the aisles of A&P picking stuff out from each section.

In Boston, I shopped for groceries in the same way -taking my time perusing each aisle. Then I discovered farmers' markets forreal and got hooked. I had seen and experienced them before, but not in the same way that I did in Boston.

I was worried that when I got back to the Rock that I might not find a farmers' market to go to but I was WRONG!! I'll be going to the Piermont Farmers' Market on Sundays, thank you very much! Woohoo!!

On Friendship

The other day I posted a reflection about loneliness. I shared this with reflection with a good friend of mine and she sent me this beautiful reflection about friendship from C.S. Lewis. I love my friends dearly and this is why!

"Christ, who said to the disciples, "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you," can truly say to every group of Christian friends "You have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another." The Friendship is not a reward for our discrimination and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of all the others. They are no greater than the beauties of a thousand other men; by Friendship God opens our eyes to them. They are, like all beauties, derived from Him, and then, in a good Friendship, increased by Him through the Friendship itself, so that it is His instrument for creating as well as for revealing." - C.S. Lewis

All I Want is You

Another shuffle through ITunes got me this song. I'm pretty sure my music source from L.A. sent this beauty to me.

Yup, it's confirmed, EJ, in another life, we were in a band together.

The Other and Ourselves

"Only that which is the other gives us fully unto ourselves." -Sri Yogananda.

The Answer...For Today

The other day I wrote a post asking a big huge "WHY?" I heard my answer today.

First, I'm just not going to understand the reasoning behind every single thing in my life. Maybe later, I will, but not now.

"My Child, conduct your affairs with humility...Humble yourself the more, the greater you are...What is too sublime for you, seek not, into things beyond your strength search not." -Sirach 3

Second, I need to grow through the challenges of the loneliness I may feel at times. This struggle will only make me stronger.

"Come up Higher"

Loneliness has walked with me all my life. Some days it became acute...When this happens I sit there and ask God, "What do you want of this? Why do you send loneliness again?" Then I seem to hear the Lord saying, "Come higher, friend." He is handing me loneliness so that I will grow in faith.

I like to think of loneliness as if it is a person with a particular job to do. So I imagine loneliness as a fancy doorman dressed in a brilliant uniform like you would see at an expensive hotel or club. He opens the door for us to enter into faith. As we pass through the door, we find steps to go up. Each step takes us a little further into faith. That is why loneliness is with us -to grow in faith. We are never friendless, for we know that Christ resurrected and promised he would always be with us. Loneliness brings us closer to him.

-Catherine de Hueck Doherty

Remember the Love

Was bumping on the beach, thoroughly enjoying my random shuffling and came across this song that I love but often forget about. Why don't I know about Adriana Evans like that, man?!

Literacy Expertise?

Four years as a history teacher, listening to other educators speak about their practice, and living with Li this summer has really made me think more about the process of reading.

Reading is something that I have always loved doing. Like so many things I like to do, it is difficult to break down the process of doing something that I consider to be natural and simply enjoyable. This isn't the case for so many of my students, though, and while I completely acknowledge and love the talents my babies have, I would just love to share that love of reading and imagination with them in a more effective manner. There were so many times when I would look at a student's writing and think, "Ugh, you can do so much more than this!! What am I teaching you?! How can I help you become a better writer!?" The answer is in helping my students be better readers.

I'm seriously considering doing some formal or informal study in literacy in order to move towards being that teacher that I want to be. Professor Marcelle Haddix's program in Syracuse really made me think of this practice in my own life. I had the pleasure of taking Professor Haddix's class at BC as a grad student and learned so much. Now I'm ready to do even more work with literacy and assessment. I'm grateful to people like Professor Haddix and Li for planting those seeds and am excited by the prospect of learning how to teach reading and writing in a better way!

The Length of Love

"Love is so short

Forgetting is so long."

-Pablo Neruda

Forgetting in Philly, 2007

DAMN, Neruda was a beast. Here's the whole thing if you want to languish in the pain. Daaaaammmn!!!!

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tries to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

On Coalition Building

Yet another stolen entry from Kiwi. teehee.

If you know me, you know I'm about building across all cultures for the improvement of all our communities. We go through the same shit in different ways, "We have a work to do. We do it better when we do it together." (Totally stole that from Amby.)

Cold War

I'm totally biting off of Kiwi's Blog, but he put some dang good stuff up, so I'm jacking it to share it with YOU!!!

"But being alone's the only way to be

When you step outside
You spend life fighting for your sanity
This is a cold war
You better know what you're fighting for
This is a cold war
Do you know what you're fighting for?"

-J. Monae

Balance

The balance necessary in the world is truly amazing to me -opposites, pushes, pulls, all gracefully, beautifully interacting to create what is. Watching the waves on the beach this week has reminded me of that beauty and that balance.

With all of the time that I know have being unemployed I don't need to produce as much as I used to as a teacher. As a teacher of 80 students and team member I was constantly expected to produce and it was rare that I could simply take in, learn, just listen. My time at BCLA was constantly intense. Now that I have more time to take in, listen, read, hear; the balance pushes for me to produce in order to maintain equilibrium. It's an amazing feeling -muscles and mind burning to create.

I have to make the best use of the time I've been given to define for myself what I will listen to and what I will make. Hope I listen to the universe rightly.

Right At This Moment

There's just a huge "WHY?!?!?!" in my head.

That is all.

Dukot

I haven't posted up much on the Philippines on my blog. I don't really know why, but it's not always in the forefront, though it always runs through me. In the next few months, though, I hope to immerse myself there. I'm both nervous and excited about the prospect. I haven't lived there for an extended period of time since college.

I have folks though, who are much more in touch and my homie on the West Coast, Kiwi, posted up news about Dukot, a movie about some of the political unrest that was happening during Macapagal Arroyo's presidency. There were activists that disappeared or were put on house arrest for speaking against the government and this movie captures some of those stories.

I was writing to my friends about this and came to realize that with me moving to the PI for a few months, I'll be able to see what's really going on, instead of hearing the same old, same old from family, friends, and the news. Currently, my Tito Noynoy has become president of the Philippines and though we are not close, I'm very interested to see how he follows through on the hope he gave people during his campaign. I'll be sure to update on that while I'm there.

Dukot will be showing in the States this September and October. Check the website and the trailer below:

Malaya Ka Na

One of my FAVORITE OPM (Original Pilipino Music) songs from Lani Misalucha. Malaya, in tagalog, means Free. Basically, she's telling her lover that he's free.

Even if you don't understand what she's saying, her voice is beautiful (she's the Filipino equivalent to Mariah Carey or Whitney Houston) and I'm sure you'd appreciate it!!

Di ko na makakayang
Mag sa walang kibo na lamang
Di ko na magagawang maglihim pa sa iyo

At kung ina-asaahan mong
Magbabalik pa ang puso ko sayo
Matapos mong saktan at malinlang

Dapat sana'y hawak ang 'yong kamay
Kung nag-isip ka lang, hindi na masasaktan
Ang isa't isa

Malaya ka na, magagawa mo na
Ang lahat ng gusto mo
Kahit masaktan man ako
Malaya ka na, wag ka nang umasa pang
Magbabalik ako, lilimutin ka't,
Hindi mabibigo

Ang tanging kong hangad sa'yo
Maging tapat ka sa damdamin mo sa kung
Sino mang magmamahal sa iyo
Dapat lamang, limutin na kita
Kung nag-isip ka lang
Hindi na masasaktan ang isat-isa

Malaya ka na, magagawa mo na
Ang lahat ng gusto mo
Kahit masaktan man ako
Malaya ka na, wag ka nang umasa pa
Magbabalik ako, lilimutin ka't,
Hindi mabibigo

Oh oh oh
Kung ika'y nagbago na't, nag-iisa
Sana ang puso ko'y
Malaya pa, at kung 'di na
At mayroon ng may-ari na ng puso ko
Di mo masisisi ako, Ohhhh oh oh

Chorus
Malaya ka na, magagawa mo na
Ang lahat ng gusto mo
Kahit masaktan man ako
Malaya ka na, wag ka nang umasa pa
Magbabalik ako, lilimutin ka't,
Hindi mabibigo

Ang lahat ng gusto mo
Kahit masaktan man ako
Malaya ka na, wag ka nang umasa pa
Magbabalik ako, lilimutin ka't,
Hindi mabibigo...

Malaya ka na

Love Rain

It's amazing to learn that Love Rain is real.

Whether it pours for a minute, for a day, or for years, it sustains and is best when it falls on Fertile Ground. I need nothing more than to know this, no matter what happens:

"Your fields have become

Lush and green and

Somebody wants

To be part of your solace

And you deserve

Every bit of

What will be beautiful."

-The Pilgrim

Love rain down on me, on me, down on me

Love rain down on me, on me, down on me
Love rain down on me, on me, down on me

Met him on a Thursday, sunny afternoon
Cumulus clouds, 84 degrees
He was brown, deep
Said he wanted to talk about my mission
Listen to my past lives. (Word?)
Took me on long walks to places where butterflies rest easy
Talked about Moses and Mumia
Reparations, blue colors, memories of shell-topped Adidas
He was fresh, like summer peaches
Sweet on my mind like block parties and penny candy
Us was nice and warm, no jacket, no umbrella, just warm
At night we would watch the stars
And he would physically give me each and every one
I felt like cayenne pepper, red, hot, spicy
I felt dizzy and so near heaven and miles between my thighs
Better than love, we made delicious
He me had, had me he
He had me tongue tied
I could hear his rhythm in my thoughts
I was his sharp, his horn section
His boom and his bip
And he was my love

Love rain down on me, on me, down on me

The rain was fallin'

slowly and sweetly and stinging my eyes
And I could not see that

He became my voodoo priest
And I was his faithful concubine
Wide open, wide, loose like bowels after collard greens
The mistake was made
Love slipped from my lips
Dripped down my chin and landed in his lap
And us became brand new

Love rain down

It was half past dusk

You were rockin black musk

...

Made the clock wind slower.

Grabbed my hips

Curled a kiss

cross my lips

Like a whisper

Blue train

Shocked...on the system

Listen...

It's John C

You hummed a melody

In pitch and on key

You was my quiet storm

Water sign

You pushed me to the borderline

Love to rumble all the time

Kept my senses on the grind

Sweeter than Sapporo wine

The original raw

Rather sweet like the cinnamon straw

You was my heart's distraction

My father's distraction

My deepest inspiration

My heat, my frustration

What you difficult for?

You was...from before

I want that old thing back

Baby give me some more

When clouds...in the sky

And tears flood up in your eye

Just hold on to the moment, love

Yes, you broke me

But I'm healing...

Be Still Young Heart

Mom always says, "Respect another person's mystery." I think part of that is calming one's heart and keeping cool in situations that can move an excitable heart. I've always had a heart that's easily aroused. The words of this song "Be Still," by Big Boi featuring Janelle Monae are a nice reminder for my jumpiness...

Be still young heart
Never will you fall apart
Be still young heart
Never will you fall apart
Be wise my dear you must, learn to just be still
Until you really really know
Show me you're right, shine your light
I wonder when will I know

To hell if I don't pray
Like a mannequin in the window I don't say
a, word - I like to sit back, observe
My heart says do not disturb, and yours
is like a doorknob, everybody get a turn (yeah)
Now that's a turnoff, girl, I'm not concerned
More like the early bird tryin to get the worm worm
But not on those terms, you got on my nerves
Say I don't deserve you, you're gonna learn
Treat it like a perm, leave it be or let it burn (burn)
Eat 'em like an urr-ange, orange
So when they on the verge of leavin it don't get borin
Foreign trips are taken
just to see your smiley faces, time's a-wastin
And I don't like to waste no time
You can be down or.. yeah

I love bein in love (bein in love)
Then you let me down, turned my heart around
Givin up on love, makes my ocean drown
You lived in my heart
Secret melodies haunt me at night
Maybe lies and lullabies
This is my last farewell
You let me down

From behind the Cadillac do'...
Grip this wood, slide around real slow...
Just thinkin, mind blown
As I glare through the smoke tinted windows...
And be still

My Mom

My Mom is a G -all my friends will attest to that. She knows her stuff and she will school you all, but she can be hella funny sometimes. Case in point -driving down the road in West Palm Beach today, Dad was wondering if he could turn right on red.

Dad: "Why can't I turn right on red?"

Mom said, "Dad!! They want you to slow down...and count the flowers!!"

We were all like, "Huh?!?!"

She laughed, "Hahahahaha, I said, 'count the flowers!' I meant, 'Smell the roses!'"

Yup, that's my Moms.

Another reason why it's good to be home!

My Dad

This is probably only funny for people who know my Dad, but I had to share it anyway, because it was a perfect welcome home. A little context: My Dad doesn't talk much, so when he does we all listen. And, my siblings and I compete to make him laugh. If you can do that, you totally win cuz the man doesn't make too much noise.

So, I get home from Boston and I'm sitting in the kitchen eating tapa, while my Dad is cooking up some spaghetti.

He asked, "So, all your despedida (going away) parties are over?"

I replied, "Yeah."

He goes on, "So, you've wiped the slate clean?"

Me: "Uhhh, uh huh."

Dad: "No looking back?"

Me: "Uhhhh, I guess."

Dad: "Closed that chapter of your life?"

Me: "Sigh. Yeah."

Dad: "Turned over a new leaf?"

Me: "Mmmm, sorta..."

Dad: "Burned all your bridges?"

Me: "Ummm, not really."

Dad: Pauses to stir the spaghetti and is smiling. "Hindsight is 20/20"

Me: "Daaaad!!!! You're weird!!!"

Dad: Laughs at himself and stirs the spaghetti

That's my Dad.

Getting Lost Where I Belong

Morton St.

Woodman St.

Another rainy day in Boston. Parting from one another is harder than I thought it would be. I haven't updated my Top 15 as I thought I would, mostly because I have been living my last days in Boston as opposed to prematurely remembering my last days in Boston.

Here are some pictures from my last few days in Boston:

Last dinner at the Haven

Candlelit dinner at Jo's

At AFH's Closing Ceremony

Beebs and Breezy at Jo's

Goodbye Party at Jo's

Redline with the ladies

I-Hop with Debaters + Myesha+ Mushri

Dinner with the Dejenes

Crepes with Marian

With Billbo

Tapas with the Girls

Off this!!

I thought I knew that God wanted me somewhere else, but the past few weeks with friends, family, and love made me question my decision to leave. Today, though, I knew I had to leave. While I have the most amazing, beautiful family in Boston, I realized that there's nothing left for me here. The realization hit me with clarity as I drove down Morton St. in the pouring rain. I'm meant for something else right now. The road is ahead of me. I may not know where I'm going, but at least I'm "Lost Where I Belong."

Lost Where I Belong

Staring

At an empty page again

Searching

Deep within my soul

Sometimes

I don't know where to begin.

When there's

Nothing left to hold.

So I will sing you a song

That I know that I can

Lead on

Cuz I'm lost where I belong

Where I belong.

Drifting

Around this empty place

Again

Hoping to feel hope.

Hearing

Nothing but the world...

Silence

Is louder than before.

So I will sing you a song

That I know that I can lead on

Cuz I am lost where I belong

Where I belong.

I can't give you

What I don't have to give.

Am I going somewhere?

Still I try to believe

So I will sing you a song

That I know that I can lean on