We Need You

I obviously haven't been updating too much about the progress of my classroom. I didn't tell you guys about the experience I had with one student finally completing his paper last week, May 13.

This student and I have always had a bumpy relationship since his sophomore year. While I've always cared very much about him, he and I have bumped heads quite a bit. This year, we went through the same ups and downs. There were times when I would push and push and push and after a while, I'd be like, "Forget it!!" Then, we'd push and push again. He almost didn't make it in my class and in others. The afternoon before the senior papers were due, he was in my classroom along with other students until about 7pm. Toward the end of his paper, he began to get anxious because he was actually going to finish. He felt the anticipation. At 7, his work was done minus his acknowledgments page. We almost cried together. I gave him a huge hug and sent him off. The next day, I cried in class, when he told me he presented the final paper to his mother. I was relieved and happy that he had finished his paper, and was so proud of himself.

One thing that always concerned me about this student was his lack of self confidence. The dude is really smart, thoughtful, sensitive, and hilarious, but it's really hard for him to read, write his thoughts on paper, to work for extensive amounts of time and to type. I've often gotten the sense that in spite of his humor and talents, he felt himself a very stupid person, especially since he began taking medication for ADD. I have constantly watched him fight himself and drag himself down because of his lack of self esteem. It has been painful and exasperating.

Yesterday, I spoke with him about RC's death. Most of my students know that I've experienced a death, but they don't know the details. I shared RC's story with him because I don't ever want him to feel like he can't keep going anymore. I don't ever want him to allow his low self esteem to impact him to the point that we lose an invaluable person in our community. I simply talked to him about things that he should know about himself -that he is a thoughtful, creative, intelligent, and humorous person in our community. He needs to know what he is good at and what he is not so good at and accept those things instead of hating himself for whatever he perceives himself to be missing. The last thing that I said to him was that RC was an intelligent and passionate individual -an amazing brother, son, and friend. His family and friends needed him. His community needed him. The world needed him, but he's not here anymore. As Jill Scott's song The Fact Is says, "And even thought I can do all these things, I need you...We need you." For my student, I want him to know that if he never realizes his own potential for himself, if he doesn't pursue his goals of being a zoologist, he won't be happy, and our world will be missing an important individual who can never be replaced.

Janelle Monae's track Cindi says it well:

"Who's that girl in the mirror?

...She wants to dance but she has cold feet.

Her confidence is low

So much talent, but who'll know

When she's afraid to follow her dreams.

So I talk to her heart and made up her mind

That I gotta except her for me.

But it's so lonely, when I'm only being me.

...You've gotta be you and I've gotta be me." -Janelle Monae

Love yourself.