Four years teaching. 26 years old.
SLAMMED BY REALITY.
Sometimes I forget that I'm still a young teacher. I'm still learning. I get caught up in the illusion that I should be perfect at this point, that I should know it all, that I should have developed the magic touch in four years.
SLAMMED BY REALITY.
Yesterday, I tried to write, but emotions were too raw. Logic eluded me. It was all just feelings. It would have just been a vent session.
If I don't conquer this now, I never will.
Dilemma: Meaningful consequences that don't mirror the unjust "justice" system that exists and that has oppressed people of color for years. High standards of behavior that sets a foundation for transforming unhealthy attitudes and behaviors. Having a classroom culture that demands growth and self regulation not dysfunctional bullshit.
I woke up angry today. That's unreal. That's not healthy. It took me two hours and a workout to come off of my anger. Behavior in one of my classes has gotten so disrespectful at times that I'm offended. It's gotten to that point. It's February. Are you SERIOUS?!
I need to hold my students accountable. I'm not supposed to have sleepless nights about other people's misbehaving!! I can't enable my students -that's the biggest disservice I could do them. I take too much of their bullshit on my shoulders when really, they have to change, they need to be slammed by reality. They cannot survive in society acting out whenever and however they want depending on how they feel. There are no passes.
Am in planning stages. It's time for a revolution...in the classroom.
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