Real Men Cry

Today, two of my young men cried. In my toughest class, these two young men spoke about their stories and in talking about themselves and the changes that they had experienced because of the loss of their fathers, my students couldn't stop their tears and emotions from pouring out.

For two young men who feel the need to guard their emotions and keep up their cheerful but tough fronts, they were finally allowed to talk about experiences that had hurt them in their lives and the emotions that they had been holding in for such a long time. One young man had to stop his presentation because of the onslaught of tears. Losing the one father figure he actually did have was so emotional and painful for him that he couldn't continue talking.

After finishing his presentation, the other young man was so disappointed that he had not clearly communicated his feelings and experiences that he could not stop crying because of how much he had been affected by the lack of relationship between himself and his father. He wanted to be honest with his classmates and with himself but it hurt him too much.

The sensitivity that these two young men showed was real. It was not overly emotional or dramatic. It was not stereotypically effeminate. They had not been allowed to process or release all of these feelings from the age of about 12. This tells me a couple of things about the projects that we are doing in class:

1. The auto ethnography process and presentations are legitimate methods of teaching and learning for students and teacher. They help in building a classroom culture of understanding, forgiveness, strength, and challenge.

2. The majority of our students have, not only academic and physical needs, but emotional needs that have not been addressed in an effective manner or are still being addressed as a process of growth and progress.

3. Men need a space to be able to deal with and process what they have gone through. They need other men to teach them how to be men. They need their fathers around to show them love, even if it's not in the most affectionate manner. They need to know that they are valued by their fathers and that their fathers are proud of them.

I pray and hope that these young men will learn from their life experiences and from their experiences today. I hope that they recognize what they need as men and that they recognize what they can be as men and as future fathers.